Earning and Privilege

Marine Corps Marathon training is well under way, and I have been thinking a lot lately about this year's race and how I hope to finally earn the finisher's medal that I missed last year.

Earn.

It turns out I've been thinking about that word, too.

While vacationing in North Carolina and traveling about last week, I skipped a few runs, so I am currently playing catch up. I have also been sleeping late, which is something I said I would not do last October. Not wanting to miss another day of training, I set out this afternoon to hopefully run 7.5 miles, the long run I skipped on Saturday. Before I left, I posted the following on Facebook:

When I run on summer afternoons, I have to self-talk as if I am a small child. "But once you finish your run, you can go get ice cream!"

I drove downtown and parked a few spaces down from Kaleido- sno, a local cafe that sells New Orleans-style snowballs. A snowball would be my post-run treat; surely after 7.5 miles, I could still stumble to my car and grab the necessary cash from my purse. By then, I would have earned a cold, sweet snowball.

After I parked, I popped my trunk to throw my purse in and started my warm-up walk. I am not sure I had even made it onto the sidewalk before I was approached by an unfamiliar woman, dressed neatly but certainly looking tired. We chatted briefly about how hot and humid it was outside, then she asked me if I would give her a ride to West Rome. Explaining that I had just gotten downtown to go exercise -- hadn't she seen me get out of my car? -- I offered to call her a cab or get her something to eat. She thanked me and asked for bus fare. I explained that I do not like to give cash but would be happy to buy her something to eat while she waited.

"Bus fare is only $1.25," she said.

Reluctantly, I reached into my car and fished $1.25 out of my Sonic fund, the money I keep for when I decide I need a slush or limeade. I just wanted to start my run. How am I supposed to know how much bus fare is, anyway?

The truth of the matter is that I have recently read several stories about people asking for rides before robbing or harming the drivers. How could I discern her true intentions? I did not want to be the next victim on the local news website, I just wanted to start my run. I have a medal to earn, after all.

As I left the deli and the woman, I caught a glimpse of my sorority crest on my Camelbak water bottle and started to reflect on the past few minutes. What kind of example was I being, as a sorority woman but also as a human? When faced with an opportunity to help someone, had I stayed true to my personal value set? Maybe, maybe not. Was my training run -- one that I was already five days late for -- really so important? I didn't think I had been rude, and I definitely did not feel comfortable giving this woman a ride, but something still didn't feel quite right.

I set off on my run and thought again about the marathon for which I am training and the medal I hope to earn. There it was, that word again. I thought back to the woman. I found myself in a position where I could help her, or offer her something, and I did...sort of. There were deeds I could have done that I did not do. As much as I like to think I have made many of the "right" choices, much of my position in life is not something I necessarily deserved over anyone else. The car the woman saw me climb out of was a gift from my parents when I went to college; they earned the money to purchase it. Was it fair for me to turn her away?

As I struggled through my run -- the dew point was 74! -- I decided to be content with my choice to give her bus fare. I pushed through the training, even though I opted to turn around 1.5 miles in and try the 7.5 miles in the morning. Tired and beat down from a challenging 3 miles, I looked around for the woman as I headed back toward my car and my post-run treat. (I definitely felt I had earned that much!) I didn't see her. Hopefully, she found a bus back home.

I love the way training gives me time to reflect and let my mind wander, but today's situation remains unresolved. Without knowing what she would have actually done if I gave her a ride, it's tough to really know if I did the right thing. After today, I do think I am slightly more aware of my own privilege and how many things I had been given in life. I remain aware that race medals are earned, and I will move forward with my training as planned.

Here's to 7.5 miles tomorrow morning!

I Run for Army Sgt. 1st Class Kristoffer B. Domeij

I signed up for the wear blue: run to remember Memorial Day event. (You might remember me mentioning wear blue: run to remember in the Marine Corps Marathon.) The goal was to have 10,000 people running at least one mile, and I committed to run five. Each runner was assigned a soldier who has died in the Global War on Terror, and I was assigned Kristoffer B. Domeij. In 2011, at the age of 29, he died of "wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device." Wikipedia tells me he holds the record for the elite ranger with the most deployments--14-- to be killed in action. Wow.

When I talked to RWD, who is 29 now, about the run and my assigned soldier, he commented that 29 is actually kind of old for a soldier in Afghanistan. How can it be that there are so many men and women RWD's age and younger who make these tremendous sacrifices for our country? With our wedding only a few weeks away, I struggle with the idea that as we are just beginning our lives together, so many people are unable to have those same experiences and joys. I am truly in awe of their sacrifices.

As yesterday was Memorial Day, the plan was to run last night, but that was derailed by the tornado watch/warning and ensuing rain that struck my town. I went out this morning instead. Although I am a dedicated run/walker, my goal was to run the five miles straight. With people out there giving their lives, the least I could do is run five miles...right?

Halfway through, the fact that I had not eaten breakfast began to settle in. I was hungry, and all I brought with me was a bottle of water. I was in the middle of a neighborhood where I didn't know anyone, so I decided to alternate jogging and walking every quarter mile for the rest of my outing. Proudly, I finished the run for Sgt. Domeij.

Although I reflected on many things as I ran this morning, perhaps the most staggering to me is the comfort I am afforded thanks to the freedom that is protected by the men and women who serve our country. 

When the weather was bad last night, I didn't have to go out in it. 

When I was tired, I could stop and walk. 

When I was hungry, there was food waiting at the end of my route. 

When I was thirsty, I had a bottle of clean water to drink.

Of course, I am also thankful for the ability to run. It is an honor to run for someone who gives the ultimate sacrifice for people like me.  

Late Night Thoughts for the Class of 2015

I've been thinking a lot about gifts lately. RWD and I are now just three weeks away from our wedding, and we have been receiving packages in the mail each week since we sent invitations. I love getting presents as a visual, tangible reminder of the person who gave me the gift. Currently, many of our wedding gifts are stacked together waiting to be sorted out, but each giver has a box. I love being able to look into a box and know exactly who sent its contents.

It is not surprising, then, that I love the fact that working in education allows me to compartmentalize things into school years. Quite easily, I can separately file away the events of one year and the members of each class in my brain, which can be quite handy. I also enjoy having the summer time to rejuvenate before the school year starts again. Although time goes by faster and faster, I try not to let the years run together.

Tomorrow, I will wrap up my time with the Class of 2015. This week has been filled with events, meals, and parties to celebrate the accomplishments of some outstanding young men and women and send them off to the next part of life on a positive note. Just this week, we've had a banquet, a breakfast, and a party, not to mention the official ceremonies! One of my favorite events each year is my school's Senior Recognition Ceremony, because I love seeing my students celebrate together and get recognized for their years of hard work. I am always tremendously proud of them. They deserve it.

Just after midnight, I met the seniors from my floor by the front desk in our regalia to celebrate it finally being graduation day. Seeing my girls in their regalia made me so excited. Even though this has not been the easiest year of my job -- Were any of them ever easy? -- I have had a great group of seniors, and I am so proud of all of them. To continue the gift idea, I finally feel like we are tying the bow on a lovely package.

Of course, things are not quite that simple. My own life is testament to the fact that things will not always stay separated into neat little boxes, no matter how hard I try. In a few weeks, all of those wedding gifts will be out of their boxes and spread throughout the home RWD and I will build together. When everything is integrated into our household, I will still remember who sent the bath sheets I cried about on Match Day and that one of RWD's fraternity brothers purchased our silverware. In a few months, my seniors will all head in different directions to become better versions of themselves and make their marks on the world, but they will still remember their high school experiences. Those experiences will affect their decision making and impact their lives long after the mortarboards hit the ground in a few hours. While the idea of neat, compartmentalized boxes is appealing as an idea, it is not realistic or even the best way to approach life; if we do not allow our years, relationships, and experiences to overlap, we cannot give to others the best versions of ourselves.

Congratulations to the Class of 2015. You have been a gift to me just by being yourselves. Now go out there and save the world...but don't dance with boys!

Match Madness

March 20, 2015 is a big day for me. Only a handful of people know that today marks two years in my relationship with my iPhone 4S. That means if I drop my phone and it finally shatters into a million pieces, I can get a free or heavily discounted phone simply by renewing my contract. The first year and a half of my phone were pretty smooth sailing, but I have had scares over the past few months where I was uncertain my phone would even turn back on when I shut it off. Now, I don't have to worry as much about being saddled with the cost of a new phone under contract if something else happens. Phew.

A few more people in my life, particularly my Facebook friends, are aware that I. Love. College. Basketball. I learned many life lessons from watching North Carolina State games, particularly basketball, with my dad, but that's a discussion for another day. After yesterday's games, March Madness is well under way, which is an exciting time for me, especially as competition heats up among my co-workers and me with our bracket picks. My big game yesterday was the NCSU/LSU game, which was a battle of my dad's alma mater and RWD's parents' alma mater. Living in Louisiana, I was definitely in the minority, and things were not looking good for the Wolfpack for...well, most of the game. I was nervous at times and annoyed at others, but most of all, I just hated the uncertainty. NC State did manage to pull out a win in the last few seconds of the game, and there was much shouting and rejoicing in front of my television.

As I fought to fall sleep last night after the game (err, this morning...about five hours ago, really) I thought about another North Carolina and Louisiana face-off in my life that will be resolved before the next time I sleep: The Match. I haven't blogged much about my relationship with RWD, mainly because I have not made the time to sit down and transfer my "How to Make Your Wedding a Perfect, Magical, Expensive Hot Mess" series from brain to blog. (Look forward to that.) RWD is a medical student, and he will graduate in May and go...somewhere for residency. For months, medical students around the world have been applying and interviewing for residency spots, and RWD is among them. He has been fairly fortunate in that he found out early on that he has a guaranteed spot--well, as "guaranteed" as they come--in Shreveport, where he already lives and has worked. This has proved to be a blessing and a curse.

Throughout that whole process, I have been answering what feels like a million questions about where we will be next year, if I will move with RWD, and what I will do about my job. While I appreciate the genuine interest of others, sometimes it's just tiring to explain the match process, RWD's thoughts, my thoughts, and the fact that I don't have a whole lot of control over the situation. Next time I wake up (Lord willing!) I will finally have answers to many of these questions. I am so excited.

On Monday, the medical students were able to find out if they matched (if they have a residency spot) for the upcoming year. For many, this means they have a place in one of twenty or more hospitals they interviewed with; they could be anywhere in the upcoming year. For RWD and me, Monday was not a huge deal because of what we already knew about Shreveport. Today, however, we will finally learn which city we'll be in starting in just a few months.

Whereas I have wanted to move to North Carolina since before I even knew RWD existed, RWD has plenty of things he loves about Shreveport and the opportunities there. He has also spent his life and education on what he refers to the "I-20 corridor" in northern Louisiana. Living in Louisiana for nearly five years, I have grown close to the state and definitely love it here (I talk about that in the Louisiana Marathon post that has yet to make it from brain to blog), but I do think it's healthy to try something new from time to time. My friend J told me over lunch in the cafeteria one day, "Louisiana will still be here if you want to come back." With all of the delicious food and fun people (seriously, it's no mystery why our state is fat), I could see myself wanting to return. Before he submitted a ranked list of residency programs last month, RWD and I had one of the longest and most in-depth conversations we have ever had, and the result was that a small program in Greensboro, North Carolina topped the ranking list. While this was an honest conversation and one that was extremely frustrating at times, it was definitely one that needed to happen if RWD wanted me to honestly feel like I had some input and control over the situation. I recognize that not all fiances are as accommodating as RWD has been and certainly appreciate his openness to my desires through this process.

As the clock approached 1:00 am that night (because all important conversations should happen at that time), RWD finally said, "No matter where we end up, we'll be there together, and that's what matters." Of course this is true, but it can be easy to lose sight of that fact when the next three years of your life are being determined. There is also the component of this whole thing that puts much of our fate in the hands of computers and an algorithm that is well beyond my knowledge but seems to be most closely related to the "Mutual Selection Process" for Panhellenic sorority recruitment.

Between my phone, post-season basketball tournaments, and my future husband, there has been a whole lot of uncertainty lately, but much of it will be resolved in just a few short hours.

And that, my friends, is just a glimpse of Match Madness.

Goodness and Fulfillment

When I am asked about my job, I always mention that it can be really difficult and crazy, but at least one thing happens every day that makes me laugh. That still holds true, but today I had a very special moment with a student who has never really opened up to me, and I don't think she realized how much it meant to me. In my time working with high school girls, I have found that initiating a difficult conversation can be much easier when riding in the car rather than sitting across from each other face-to-face. Today was one of those times.

I was bringing her back to the residence hall, and she asked me where I am from. I told her I'm from Georgia. Then, she asked, "Do you ever get homesick?" Thinking it was a fairly innocuous question, I gave a simple answer.

When I initially moved to Louisiana, my dad was a cancer patient, and I shared with the student some of the difficulties I faced being away during much of his treatment and most of his final days. My senior year in college, I ordered the book "What Cancer Cannot Do" which is a Christian book with short essays written by cancer patients and survivors. More than once in college, I read the book from cover to cover and cried. Today, I returned to the book in search of something comforting to say to someone who was hurting in a way that I had a few years ago.

I was stopped in my tracks and knew I needed to share a passage from one of the essays. The author writes of returning to work following her treatment and describes the joys of the sense of normalcy and focus that her job provided. She finishes by writing,

After the Fall, work became "painful toll." As a result work doesn't always feel like Paradise to us. Sometimes it feels like an avalanche of unfinished projects, a tightrope of interpersonal conflict, a murky cloud of expectations. But if it's truly the work that God has called us to do, then he will help us do it. And we will find goodness and fulfillment in it.

I love that the author chooses "avalanche" as one of her descriptors, because I have certainly had that feeling over the past few days. I have never experienced an avalanche myself, but I found myself visualizing all of the stress and emotion gaining on me as I attempted to run down a snowy mountain...and that was how I was feeling.

I am so thankful for this young woman who took the time to open up to me and share her struggles so I was led to find encouragement in my own life. Not everyone has the chance to work so closely with others or make a difference in others' lives quite like my job allows. Yes, it's challenging, but there is certainly goodness and fulfillment to be found in it. I expect that I will continue to find fulfillment as I work with my students in the coming months.

New Year, New Run: Preparations for Au Marathon Louisiane

Happy New Year!  I suspect that anyone who reads blogs regularly is tired of reading New Years posts, and I am ten days late to the game. I'll just jump straight into what I'm doing at this point in the year: next weekend, I am taking back the marathon distance.

Rendevous Baton Rouge will take place from January 16-18, 2015, with a 5K and quarter marathon on January 17 and a half and full marathon on January 18. For the extra crazy people, there's the Déjà Vu Award. What is the Déjà Vu Award, you ask? Well, here's what the race organizers have to say about it:

The phrase déjà vu is a French term that literally means “already seen.” The phenomenon of déjà vu is to have the sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past, when in fact it hasn’t. 

For this reason, we have created the Déjà Vu Award for those runners who see the finish line two days in a row.

Winners of the Déjà Vu Award receive a special Marathon de Louisiane Crawfish Plate, which I was all about when I signed up for the quarter and full marathons back in July 2014. I figured I would stay in my version of marathon shape for several straight months, so two races in one weekend was no big deal. Plus, I could eat so. much. crawfish. on that swanky plate.

Although I was super motivated to train hard, run fast, and not skip workouts after the Marine Corps Marathon, everything fell apart in December. I quit training, then I got sick and didn't want to train, then it was Christmas Break. I resumed running right after Christmas and even did a 10K last weekend, but I will definitely be going into the Louisiana Marathon much differently than I did the Marine Corps Marathon. My goal for the race is to finish and feel good when I do. In addition to focusing on carb loading this week, I am going to get myself pumped up with positive self talk so I don't go into the race freaked out and questioning myself like I did with the Marine Corps Marathon.

Fortunately for me, this is a much smaller race, and I don't think they even have buses. I looked at the course map, and there are 22 opportunities for water stations. I think I am going to break the race down into water stops as I go. Several members of the Red Felt Running Club will be running on Sunday, and I am excited to share the course with many of them. We are also going meet up for dinner on Saturday, which is a welcome outing for me since RWD won't be with me, and I was going to eat by myself or overpay for the race's Pastalaya Dinner.

Here's to proving myself to myself!